5 Reasons Why I Want To Be Buried At The Villa Borghese

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Forgive the morbid title, but in this case it seems appropriate, since the sooner my departure time approaches the more I’m contemplating suicide. Rome is so beautiful that it’s hard to believe I’ll be expected to just function normally again in Philly, where the closest thing to gelato is Rita’s, and eating a rotisserie chicken in the El is the norm. One of the sights I’ll be the most sad to let go of is the Villa Borghese, a used-to-be-the-summer-estate-of-the-pope-turned-Elysium-Fields. It’s a favorite spot for families and students to hang out and lay out amongst the flowers after a stressful day of conjugating Italian verbs. The estate is rivaled only by Versailles in its immensity, and it houses the famous Galleria Borghese, home to minor, unimportant works like Caravaggio’s “Boy With A Basket of Fruit” and all of Bernini’s oeuvre.

No big.

Basically, it’s my dream home. And I don’t really see why I should be denied the right to live there. Even if my email keeps sending me reminders that my flight leaving Rome is approximately 2 weeks away. So just in case anything should for whatever reason deter the passage of my body from continent to continent, this is my proposal as to why my tomb should be laid in the Villa Borghese.

1. You can rent various methods of transportation.

There is no greater rush of adrenaline than riding a single-wheel vehicle in a crowded park where opportunities for running over children are so abundant. It even makes up for the fact that such activities demand exercise, which I am highly against at all times.  But  when the options include segways or sullys (sulleys? Sullays? Whatever) you can most definitely count me in.

2. You can buy a balloon.

The only price is your dignity.

3. There’s a zoo.

A ZOO. As in, animals that are not tourists. As in, monkeys, lizards, elephants, and GIRAFFES. As in GOOD LUCK EVERY SEEING ME AGAIN MY PEOPLE ARE CALLING ME (but not the giraffes. Obviously).

4. You have pretty much the best view in all of Rome.

Not sure how this factors in if I’m just going to be underground the whole time but REGARDLESS. Look at this place!

5. Spring’s finally here and with all the green and flowers and… nature, pollen’s all over the place so I actually might just die here anyway- convencience!

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